One day you’ll realize how much you need me. How much you miss me. How much you want to take back everything you said that night. You’ll realize that there’s no other person who could possibly love and care for you as I did, nor will you ever find someone who does. When the day comes that all of this comes to light, and you discover these things, I’ll be long gone.
You’ve had your chances - over, and over, and over. I’ve given you way too many. Even when my friends told me not to, even when I knew that it wasn’t going to work out and that you would never really change how you are.
But I’m not going to sit here and be a sitting duck as you stomp around and do as you please. I’m not going to allow myself to hurt, to cry, to worry - about you anymore. By the time you come walking back, I’ll already be gone and happy with someone else. Someone who understands me, appreciates me, and cares for me the way I should be cared for.
- Gene
I forgive you.
Well, that didn’t work. I thought by saying it and thinking it, that I actually could. But the truth is, I don’t think I ever can. The things you told me, the things you did, I’ll never forget.
And although there’s no reason to hang onto those memories any longer, I just can’t forget them. I can’t bring myself to think that our past, that our memories, our words and whispers - were lies. I’ll never be able to forget, and I will never be able to forgive.
It seems hard to do right now, and you might be expecting me to tell you that it’ll all get easier.
But that’s not always the case.
The thing with life is that it doesn’t just let you cruise on by, doing whatever the hell you want to do. It gets harder and harder with each passing year. The only thing you can do is accept that, and toughen yourself up to make sure you don’t get left behind.
- Gene
There’s no such thing as ‘perfect’, so stop making yourself unhappy and aiming at it.
I hate it when we become strangers. I hate that ‘cycle’ that we all go through. And don’t say you don’t, because I know you do.
That ‘cycle’…
The butterflies. The way you look so adoringly at him. How it seems like, out of all the people on Earth, he was the one that was made just for you. Right? The sparks when you hold hands, the blushing from his compliments. It almost seems like nothing could ever pull you away.
Suddenly
things change. Suddenly, he doesn’t like holding your hand anymore. He doesn’t want to spend time with you anymore. Excuses, excuses. “I’m sorry, I have to babysit tonight.” “Sorry, I can’t. I have homework.” “I feel lazy.” Suddenly, you hardly ever see him anymore.
The butterflies turn to dust. You can hardly look at him without wondering why. The sparks turn into flames. The blushing turns into indifference. It almost seems like nothing could ever pull him back.
That cycle.
- Gene
You’ll be okay.
I know that’s hard to believe right now. I know you feel as though your mind and heart are both just fucking with you to no ends. I know you feel broken, empty, and shattered to bits.
But y’know… It will pass. And I know how absolutely cliche this sounds, but:
Time heals all wounds.
I know people are just telling you to get over it, that you deserve better, and to pick yourself up from the ground and be happy. But I also know - it’s not that easy. It’s never that easy.
I know you can pick yourself up. I know you have the ability and the strength to do so. But I guess you’re just not ready yet. You’re not ready to let it go. You’re still just a little bit stuck, and you can’t release yourself yet.
It hurts. Being heartbroken is no easy thing to deal with, but y’know what?
Learn from it.
Become smarter, wiser. Stop repeating your mistakes. Stop falling in love with some fucktard who clearly and obviously doesn’t give a single flying fuck about you or your feelings. Stop being bipolar and going back and forth from your feelings and your logic. Don’t let guilt trick you into becoming stupid over someone.
I’m no love doctor. I’m not trying to heal you, or make you feel better. I’m not going to sugarcoat my words and tell you that it will work out, that they’ll stop treating you like shit, that they’ll change and everything will be the same again. I’m not going to lie to you like that, and whoever does is a fucking asshole.
You already knew of the dangers. The consequences of falling for them. You took the challenge and you lost this round.
But you have nothing to worry about. People don’t always love just once in their lifetime (Fuck what The Vow says. Fuck those romantic movies. Life is different.)
The thing is, experience. Getting your heart broken is just something that teaches you. It filters out all the people you don’t need in your life. It helps you.
So stop thinking you’ll never get over it, because you will. Don’t think you’ll never heal - because you will. And stop expecting love and relationships to resemble that shit in the movies. You’ll only be disappointed.
Believe me when I say, you’ll be happy. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not even next week. But I give it three weeks at most. You’ll have a smile on your face by then.
- Gene
Life.
So many definitions for such a small word, right? And when you think about it, what does it really mean? I suppose if you want to be extremely realistic, you could say that it’s just a simple process in which you breathe and function until your tiny pulp of a heart dies out. But hopefully you’re a little more on the dreamer side and have a little creativity.
It dazzles me, how life has such a different meaning to each one of us. To you it could mean nothing - to another person, it could mean everything. It can be amazing, it could be horrible. It can be anything you want it to be. Your life is in your own hands. It is the clay, and you are the sculptor. Or am I wrong?
To me, life is a beautiful… (Well, I’m trying to find words that make it seem a little bittersweet, but all I could come up with was “beautiful piece of shit” and I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t think of life as such a horrible thing. And plus, I’m pretty sure pieces of shit aren’t all that great anyway.)
Life to me isn’t as extravagant as a lot of people make it seem. I don’t think of unicorns and fairies when I think of life. I don’t think of overly green grass or overly blue skies.
Life… Is just what you make of it. You don’t have to live each day as though you’ll die tomorrow; reckless. But I suppose that’s what makes life enjoyable.
- Gene
A small but alarmingly chilly breeze swept past my skin, sending shivers down my spine. I open my eyes ever so slightly, just one; and of course, you are there. I cradle you in my arms gently so I don’t wake you. But you’re a pretty light sleeper anyways. You look up at me dreamily, with the usual crooked smile of yours that I adore so. Seeing you in the mornings make me feel so tender. So soft.
But sadly, none of this is real. It’s all just a figment of my imagination. What a pity… (I feel an unusual love for people I see in the mornings; my heart tends to feel warm, soft. Maybe it’s a motherly instinct.) And there’s no one I yearn to share this feeling with, besides you.
- Gene
Hello. I am ‘Gene’. I also write for this blog. My mind is not so complicated. Maybe you, as a reader, will relate to my posts. Each of our writing styles, techniques and personalities are different. Hopefully you’ll enjoy each one.
